The only way to the other side is through

Loosing a child to SIDS is a traumatic event. After nine months of waiting and expectation there is a chance to hold the baby. And then suddenly he or she is gone. Because humans are designed to be attached to one another and the parental bond - if all goes well - can be so strong, to have it broken is often described as a physiological pain.

Trauma experienced in adulthood is different than that experienced earlier. One of the most insidious symptoms of a traumatic event that happened in adulthood is isolation. The person who survives finds a lack of enthusiasm for the things that were formerly compelling including spending time with loved ones. Slowly life looses its meaning, purpose, and joy. As that happens, there is less and less motivation to pursue those things that formerly were fulfilling. While this may look like classic depression, for example, an inability to get out of bed in the morning, it can look like something else as well.

Anger is one place people tend to get stuck. It is sometimes expressed as irritability, sarcasm, or cynicism. It can be directed at workplace situations, distant relatives as well as those people closest to them. Because for many people it feels more energized or empowering to be angry at someone or something – it is compelling to be actively angry, to throw things, curse, stomp. Underlying the anger maybe some sadness and that can be hard to tolerate as it is a much more passive experience. And while it may feel empowering to be angry all the time, it contributes to the isolation by pushing those nearby away.

Everyone grieves differently. It can be jarring for a couple who has endured the same event to experience grief in vastly different ways. If one partner is angry all the time, the other may feel less supported and perplexed by the seeming lack of togetherness.

People do not necessarily grieve within any particular timeframe. For a spouse who has moved through their grief, there may a sense of leaving the other behind, and the converse maybe felt by the other partner, a sense of being left alone with the grief. Oftentimes earlier losses are kicked-up by those in the present day. The only way to the other side of difficult emotions is through.

One way to get through these emotions is to share them in a group setting.

Please join us on the second Monday of the month,

Jennifer